Tag Archives: LVT

72880

Where Do We Go Now – My Professional Life Set To GNR

I would like to think that Axl Rose was tapping in the aimlessly wandering minds of millions and not trying to figure out where to score late night munchies while stoned when he sang the line, “Where Do We Go Now?” I’d also like to believe he’s still his thin, lanky late 80’s self as much as I’d like to believe I still look like I did in 2003 (oh my early 20’s prime!).  Well, we can’t turn back time but we can certainly reinvent our personal road maps.

It’s funny how the tides ebb and flow in our lives.  For the majority of mine, my romantic chapter has been a mess.  Not like a I didn’t sweep the floor this week mess, more like an episode of Hoarders Greatest Hits.  So many dysfunctional relationships shoved in such a small space!  Now that there is finally peace and balance in that section, fung shee has wavered in others.  I’ve not necessarily ignored it, but more so thrown my hands up in the air and said helplessly, “What can I do?’

Like a poison upstream, the toxins will eventually flow to other estuaries.  The deadly mental goo wasn’t quite like Roundup with overnight conquers, but more like that houseplant that your aunt gave you that you tried your best to water weekly but instead watered it daily, then forgot to water it at all, and finally overwatered it like you were on an episode of E.R. – The Houseplant Files.  (Get me a gallon jug of H2O – stat!)

I’ve not wanted to deal with this in public, but I feel like it will give me a sense of accountability.  Like Stella got her groove back, I’m going to get my life back.  My professional and my creative life.  You will be my witness and that will drive me to victory knowing someone is watching, waiting (Not creepily.  That sounded creepy.)  It might be an ugly no-holds barred fight to the end, but I’m coming in this like Napoleon Dynamite and planning on leaving like Hulk Hogan.  (Or the Rock.  Isn’t Dwayne Johnson to die for?)  Yes… let’s make that ‘I’m coming in like Napoleon Dynamite and going out like the Rock!’  Do you smelllllllllll what the Rock is cooking?  (PS- for years when I was in the ugly romantic phase of my life I had hoped that was a personal dinner invitation to me from the Rock.  No luck.  Turns out he wasn’t asking me out.)

I’ve not been able to put my finger on one thing that caused it because there are many contributing factors.  No one thing did this alone.  While beach erosion can be caused by one massive washout of a hurricane, it can also be caused by one lapping wave at a time.  Time marched on and waves slowly washed away the grains of sand in my professional happiness.

Truth be told, I have not had the easiest transition from independently owned to corporate life.  Though some can march on seamlessly, it has been different for me.  It took away the feeling of ownership for me.  I didn’t personally own my place of employment, but when you work at a ‘mom and pop’ kind of business you feel like your voice is strong and loud, heard clearly at all times.  In the corporate world, it has given me a sense of verbal meekness. I’m not trying to go all Stefanie Williams here because I still get my bills paid and I don’t think it is causing financial suffrage in my life.  I’ve gone from being a fish in a little pond to a fish in an ocean. I just feel like I’ve moved from the driver’s seat to the back bench seat in a mini-van.  I’m obviously still along for the ride but my voice doesn’t carry well over the radio and the people in the middle row.  Those people closest to me can hear me, but the people up front probably forgot I was even back here.

Presleigh’s death was so overwhelming I sometimes have a hard time placing its impact.  Was I like this to begin with?  I’d always felt 110% committed to my job.  Volunteering to cover empty shifts, coming in after hours when I wasn’t on call, skipping lunches, clocking in early and clocking out late were all part of my commitment.  The being there all the time and the wanting to be there not as much blend together with her death, the corporate buyout and honestly the healthy relationship.  Why would I want to spend long hours at a place that was causing me self-doubt and discontent when I was so much happier at home where I feel appreciated and loved?  Up to Presleigh’s death, I felt like my career had my back.  I had the training, the tools and the staff to make magical phenomenons happen.  Then my own dog died.  All of those times I was part of what felt like miracles and she perished in less than twenty-four hours.  There were so many thoughts that could basically be summed up as, “If I couldn’t save my own dog, what business do I have working on yours?”  I remember having such a sureness in myself.  I knew I completed task and that I followed through on instructions.  I double checked myself but never anything like what I do now which is like a quadruple check times fifty.  I miss my confidence.  People believed in me.  I believed in myself.  Was Presleigh dying the beginning of burnout/compassion fatigue or had it been slowly adding up all along and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back?

People come and go.  Welcome to veterinary medicine.  I always thought what would hurt the most was the people going.  There are so many people who have contributed to my skill set.  This whole section could be like an Oscar acceptance speech that keeps going on even with the ‘hurry the hell up’ music playing.  When people go, you hold on to the good things they instilled in you that made you better.  It’s a bittersweet parting full of sadness and thankfulness.  With all the tearful goodbyes through the years, I never in my wildest imagination thought that there would be people I would regret working beside.  I’m so lucky that in the majority of my time in this profession I have worked beside people who will build others up.  Unfortunately, I finally did encounter those that bring you down. There are people out there who will not only sabotage your happiness but they will lead you to self-destruction. I had never been called lazy in all of my life.  I had never had someone stare me down and insist I do something that was against our standards of quality care (side note: I still stood my ground and reported it).  I could not believe that I was being treated like an uneducated idiot because I was a female with the letters LVT behind my name and not a male with DVM behind it.  (Another side note:  I know good and well I am not a doctor and I fully accept my training/schooling/experience is nowhere near that of a doctor.  This previous sentence is more about respect than education.  Rock on, doctors.)   Unfortunately, all of these bad experiences happened at the same time one of my very favorite coworkers moved on.  The poor beau.  God bless him.  It takes a strong man to watch his significant other cry over another man with a frequency of every night/ every other night/ once a week/ and eventually only occasionally and still manage to get her the Kleenexes every time without any negative feelings.  Lucky for him, me and everyone, the existence of those hateful people were short in my life and I eventually recovered from the work breakup with said fantastic coworker.

To put a spin on Axl’s quote above, ‘Where Do We Grow Now?’  In my downward spiral of not feeling good enough, I began doubting that there were any more steps in my professional growth ladder.  Not to dwell on the subject of The Departure Of Coworkers That Cause Me To Drink Heavily, but there are doctors in this world who will utilize a technician to the fullest and then there are those who treat you like you an illegal citizen who dare not dream of being anything but their personal maid and janitor.  When it comes to the latter I’ve read about them, I’ve heard about them and as admitted above I unfortunately had to work with some of them.  The kick-ass coworker that I sobbed over macaroni and cheese about was the super utilizing kind.  I felt amazing about what I did because of the faith that person had in me and the tasks they trusted on my plate.  Then, the one aspect of my job that I still felt like I was a powerhouse rockstar in, I was pulled from my ‘doing’ position and put in a ‘teaching’ position. In retrospect, this should have been a compliment (and in the end it was a blessing because I discovered it was the repetitive motions of this task that was causing my ongoing neck and shoulder pain).  However, it just felt like being shit on by the man and I took it personally.  Favorite coworker exits, not so great people enter, I feel like shit about myself, I linger on feelings about my dead dog, my work reason for getting up every morning is taken away from me.  It was the Perfect Storm to start asking myself, “Where Do We Grow Now”.  Was this the end for me?  Should I start applying to fast food restaurants and accept that my veterinary technician degree was only suitable now for toilet paper or cleaning windshields (another new career option perhaps?)

I started dreaming of other jobs.  Baking, farming, fishing, Nascar racing, Team Tanqueray’s Official Birdwatcher.

Okay, there is no Team Tangueray but if there was I would totally be their official birdwatcher.

Instead of dealing with the problem head on, I started doing exactly what I used to do in that Ugly Relationship phase of my life.  I copied and pasted.  Something not working out? No problems.  Just copy and paste something over it.  Tada!  Not happy with your current job, dream of another, cut and paste.

It was over a month ago when I recognized the pattern and realized it was Operation Cut and Paste.  I had been cutting and pasting my professional life away.  It was then that I decided I was going to work towards change.  I was going to be better.  I was going to be happier.  Operation Be Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson was in full effect.
To Be Continued…..

Day Four of #fmsphotoaday

Day 4 – only twenty some more to go!

Today’s prompt is ball!

If there had been a neuter today, you guys may have been in for a pretty graphic post-op surprise…. but there wasn’t.

What was a surprise today was our Amazon shipment containing one of the two Catit enrichment toys that we bought for Ratchet – our cat who refuses to forget he came from the hard streets of his cat-hood.  Born to a feral mother, he still lives out every single moment like someone is out to kill him.

DSC01786

 

We’ve been really worried about how Ratchet would deal the recent passing of our devil cat Shamooki.  He was terrified of her and yet obsessed with her all at the same time.  She was like his security blanket.  As long as Shamooki was there to lay the smack down on him and everyone else, all was right in the world.

Day 4 of #fmsphotoaday – Ball Ratchet's new Catit Senses 2.0 Super Circuit Toy. #catenrichment #catastic

A post shared by Melanie Jo Moore (@melanie_jo_moore) on

 

I think in the end, he understood her time was near and he handled things much better than we anticipated.  Still, we felt rocking some new toys he would be able to grieve her death a little more easily.

He’s the proud new owner of the Super Circuit and the Food Tree (still in transit).

I’ve doused the Super Circuit with enough cat nip to keep him stoned for days.  Hopefully he decides that this is the best thing since sliced bread and not a government conspiracy.

Join me tomorrow (unless the cat finds a way to kill me with the Super Circuit) for Day Five – button.

#fmsphotaday – DAY 3 – N is for

N is for … Nametag that I rocked for nearly 12 hours today!  Holy cow!  What a day.  I just made a joke that I wear a name tag so I can remember my own name.  Maybe I should have had my address engraved on the back just in case I get lost!

 

#fmsphotoaday Day 3 – N is for…. Nametag that I rocked for nearly 12 hours today. #vettech #lvt

A post shared by Melanie Jo Moore (@melanie_jo_moore) on

 

Since I’m too tired to be witty, I found someone else being witty.

 

Totally Frickin’ RAWResome!

In the veterinary medicine world, some days are just as you envisioned it when you were a child.  You spend your whole day being kissed in the face by fuzzy little puppies.  You hug armfuls of little purring kittens.  There may even be some rainbows and unicorns.

On the other hand, there are those days that it seems every dog manages to pee on you and every cat wants to scratch your eyes out.  How do I get through these days?  Recognition in my writing world.

When I got home Saturday, I found out that I had the week’s Top Ten Blog list over at julieschicklit.com for Graveyard Funnies.  I was overjoyed to hear that a fellow blogger had enjoyed my tale of canned goods and dead people!  I ran outside with my cell phone in my work-related injured hand, yelling for the beau, “Look!  Look at this!”

They say (at least) the first six months of breaking into the writing world will send you through emotional phases ranging from excitement, panic and a depression that could be easily represented by a Zoloft commercial.  When your book is first released, you will have a rush of supportive friends and family.  You will be on top of the world! (Check) Then, things will slow down and even at some points may feel that it came to a sudden halt.  You may realize that you suddenly have fist fulls of hair and patchy bald spots.  You read up on what other indie writers do and you start mimicking their ways.  Facebook, twitter, blogging.  (Check)  You may even be invited to a book club meeting which will bring on conditions such as nausea, hives and a sudden nervous twitch.  (Check – Read Here)  You start looking at the numbers and become sadden that not everyone goes back to review your book on Amazon and such.  Did they hate it?  Did they not even bother?  I’m an adult.  I understand everyone is super busy with their lives and may not have time to go back and leave a review.  I also understand, that as an adult, I may feel the need to lock myself in my bathroom and cry my eyes out. (Check)

And then the outside world starts to take notice in your work.  (I recently overheard a client saying how moving off of our tiny peninsula was like moving back to the United States)  I get reviews from strangers.  I get nominated on another blog.  Sales start trickling in again.

I understand that this may all boil down to a hobby that just amounts to me entertaining myself at a keyboard.  I’m cool with that.  Would I like to sit down at a resteraunt, look over and see another patron with my book at their hands and a smirk at their lips?  Would I like to overhear someone at the grocery store say their reading this outrageous book by a local author?  Most certainly.  I’m going to keep this up as long as a dog doesn’t chew off my fingers and a cat doesn’t damage my eyeballs past the point of use.

*SHOUT OUT to Julie @ Julie’s Chick Lit.  Run over there and give that girl some lovin’.

Sometimes… being crazy is the only way to deal with being crazy.

Image