Two years ago and some odd months, I was walking through a busy hall between hotels in Las Vegas. I was with a coworker and we were coming back from that day’s lectures at the Western Veterinary Conference. A ‘gentleman’ and I use the term loosely, flagged us down to his table of fine products… ooooooh! Fine products!
“Where are you from?”
“Everyone knows that women from Virginia have very dry skin.”
Seriously, you are telling me this in the desert? I can tell you what women from Virginia have. Gracious manners to stop and talk to idiots who want to tell us how dry our skin is and how with the right amount of exfoliation and dark circle cream, we’d look more like 25 instead of 75.
It was at that time that I should have realized that resorts were going to continue to make me overly self-aware for the rest of my life.
This past weekend, I headed to our nation’s capital (Jenny) for the CVC East Veterinary Conference. The conference is hosted in the lovely National Harbor Gaylord Resort. This hotel is huge. It has an atrium, which I kept saying made me feel like I was in a people aquarium.
I understand that I was there for work and not vacation. This wasn’t a trip that was supposed to make me feel all warm and fuzzy about myself. However, I do feel with the cost of the nightly rate that I shouldn’t be accosted by this!
A magnifying mirror that if I positioned just right I could see Mars! A mirror that made me look like this!
(Mugshot borrowed from The Smoking Gun)
Good heavens that thing was awful! It’s bad enough that they have full length mirrors! I can’t remember the last time I lived in a house with full length mirrors, and the reunion of my full body image to my eyes was not a joyous one! Dear God, My legs are so short and stubby. And those thighs! I never see the reflection of my thighs!
But, back on track with intensifying mirror from hell… I do not need to be reminded that I have my father’s pores (or craters, so the intensifying mirror called out). Eeek! Look at those dark circles! I use one of those fancy rollers gels to help reduce those, why do I look like I got into a bar fight before I got here. This can’t be true! It just can’t be! Is that a blackhead or just a reflection on my oily forehead of a stretched limo in the parking lot! Are those nose hairs or is there a troll hanging upside down out of my nostril? I just had my eyebrows done, WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE THAT? Thank goodness I use wrinkle cream, or we could start naming the valleys near my eyes.
That damn thing came on a swivel, so I could turn it away from myself. My five dollar housekeeping tip obviously wasn’t enough because every day whoever was in charge of vacuuming the floor and refilling the coffee supply would wheel it back around so I could be greeted by this!
The hotel does have a spa and I do think it was a ploy to have you rush downstairs directly, fork over your lifesavings and get a facial that would bring you back to the skin you were born with. You laugh, but one of the Mother’s Day SPECIAL (which implies it was discounted) was just a bit shy of four hundred dollars.
Did I mention things continued to get worse? Oh yes, poor me and my country bumpkin skin that is so use to well water (iron and other minerals must be moisturizing) was drying out by the second from the chlorinated water. So not only was I viewing things that reminded me of the Grand Canyon, the surface of the moon, the black hole… now my skin was flakey and gross.
Oh, if the man from Las Vegas with fine products could see me now. Dry, flaky skin and a complex, just how a woman from Virginia should be.