Day 19: The First Song Alphabetically On Your Ipod
If you read yesterday’s post, you are aware that I lost my MP3 player a while back. I can’t tell you how many times I have searched this house and my car to find it. There are two reasons that I haven’t replaced it yet. One. It bothers the living shit out of me that it is here in this house SOMEWHERE! (This may not be totally true. Last year we realized that our younger cat was pushing things off my desk and in the trashcan. Say what you want, cats can be jerks because I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose.) Two. Most of the 200 songs I had I downloaded from Limewire eons ago. It was free. Yes, I know. It was wrong but I don’t see much of a difference between that and when we used tape decks in the 90’s to record our favorite songs off the radio.
I think most people have done this day (and the 20th) by the song, but my brain is not cooperating… I mean that was a lot of songs and it has been missing for quite some time now. I do think I can remember the artist that would have been first and last. That will have to do, folks.
When this song came out, I was on the verge of breaking up with a guy who had a serious drug problem. He said over and over again how he wanted to get clean and I was the only person in his life that wasn’t entangled in the demons that him and his friends were. I was his only hope. I felt responsible for a long time to be his life raft, but in the end I realized I couldn’t save him. He needed to save himself and he was in no hurry to do so. The last night we were together before I disappeared into the dark, this song came on the radio and he said it was a ridiculous song … which was ironic to me because I felt like the girl the song is about.
I left him, but this song followed me. There was one night my sister and I were bar hopping and it was on three different stations at the same time. I kept hitting scan trying to get away from it but it wouldn’t go away. At some point I embraced it as a reminder that I deserved better.
I have no idea what has become of him and really I don’t care. The nice thing to say is that I hoped he was better, I hoped he was clean. Unfortunately, I wasted too much time hoping on him years ago.
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