Freeze Frame! Halloween Montage!

It’s with great sadness I announce that I am not dressing up this year for Halloween.  The year completely escaped me.  Where has time gone?  It seemed like yesterday I was just learning to write 2013 instead of 2012.  Somehow, November has snuck right up and I never put together an outfit to celebrate the last day of October.  *Sigh*

Halloween has always been a hardcore holiday in my family.  Sure we do Thanksgiving and Christmas, but bring on the real holiday!  HALLOWEEN!  You get to be whoever you want to be! A unicorn, yes!  A superhero, you bet!  Let your imagination go wild!

For the most part, we have been a homemade costume family.  Here and there, we have used some store bought fillers.  Our family has been passionate about creating our own costumes for years now.  While we are on the subject of passions for the holiday, I must express to you my Halloween Truths.

A.  If you are trick-o-treating and you are not wearing a costume, someone should be allowed to unleash a rabid Doberman on you.  Then a lynch mob should be sicked on your parents for not dressing you up.  Don’t be a Halloween slackass!

B.  It’s not okay to dress up as a whore and call it a Halloween costume.  If you are a closet slut, don’t bring that game to the table and expect to get my respect.  Take it to the corner, ho bag.

C.  If you are judging a costume competition, please respect that homemade costumes take time, effort and creativity.  Those who spend hours online finding miscellaneous items, behind the sewing machine and wielding a glue gun deserve to win.  If a contestant took the easy route and went store-bought they should not be considered for the running.  That goes double for you in the slut-astic costumes.

To cheer me up, I have created a Halloween Montage.  I’m so sad to discover that there are absolutely no pictures of our teenage years.  We created a Haunted Porch every year.  Our house was the talk of the town.  Parents were even frightened of the masterpieces we created.  At times, we would have small children that were too terrified to venture up those six steps to confront us.  The gang would quietly walk out to greet them, showing the wee littles that there was nothing to really fear.  We were just a bunch of crazy kids dressed up just like them.

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Oh, there I am!  I still love the Care Bears!  I’m thinking that was the year my sister was a clown.

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I was a rocking Cheer Bear, let me tell you.

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And like passing the torch, the clown costume was obviously a right of passage!  I loved my sister’s artist costume.  I think I was secretly a little jealous.

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Every time I look at this picture, it is proof that my mom kicks ass.  Who else would help their nine year old morph into Cyndi Lauper!

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The Halloween of 1992 reflects my short lived goth phase.  I’m sure I wouldn’t have looked so dark and spooky if I wasn’t standing beside the happiest Raggedy Ann in history.

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My Cape Charles years brought the opportunity for us to decorate our porch and hand out candy to trick-o-treaters.  This one from one of our greatest years.  People thought I was a mannequin. I scared more parents that night than kids!

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We are going to fast forward to 2003!  Special thanks to the boys at Diggs Brothers for hooking me up with that year’s costume.

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The owner, Reid made me the personalized tools.  If you look closely, the wrench says, “Mel’s Nut Buster” and “I Love Big Tools”.  That night, a gentleman persistently hit on me at The Trawler.  He asked me after much harassing, “Do you really work there?  Could I call you at that number?”  I’m not sure if he ever did call Diggs Brothers, but I can tell you if he did he got an earful from Reid.

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2004, Who brought the cutest Dalmatian puppy to the bar… Cruella did!  Thank God for best friends.  The identity of the puppy will remain anonymous.  I will tell you, it is an absolute riot asking people to hold your puppy’s leash while you run to the bathroom.  The costume!  Mine was so easy.  My mother worked her magic for the puppy.  We worked diligently to spray black spots on white sweatpants and a white hoodie.  My mom then sewed ears and a tail to the costume.  The costume was so hot, the puppy had to hang his head out the window on the way to the bar.  What I would have paid to see what it looked like to see that dog with his ears flapping in the breeze from the outside of the truck!

Sadly… we didn’t win 😦

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2005- The costume to never be outdone!  My scissorhands were made out of foamboard and were the same measurements as the ones in the movie.  It was an August day that this idea came to me.  I was at my mom’s house.  She was flipping through the channels when we saw it.  I exclaimed, “That’s it!  That’s my Halloween Costume!”  I went to two costume parties that weekend.  The first night, I lost to a store bought witch costume.  In a fit of rage, I ripped my wig off and marched to my truck.  The next morning, the horrific discovery was made that I had lost my black wig in the parking lot.  I called frantically to every store in a forty five mile radius.  Everyone was sold out.  My mom called her best bud Christy and I be damned, Christy had a Cleopatra wig.  The afternoon was spent cutting the wig and using hot glue to give it the tussled look.  Losing the first wig was the best thing that ever happened, because the second wig looked amazing.  That night at the costume competition, one of the judges walked over and shook my hand.  “You should have got first place.”  It was shortly announced minutes later that I won second place.  It wasn’t first… but it paid pretty good.  Oh, the glory of the win!

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There I am getting the payout from the owner of L.J’s!  Thank you, Lee!

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Where’s Meldawg!  Halloween of 2006, I brought back another childhood favorite!  Where’s Waldo!  Walking stick and all!  Part of the reason I picked this costume was the simplicity.  After being Edward Scissorhands, I wanted to be a character that allowed me to hold my own beer and unzip my own pants.  No intense face painting would be a plus!  I left the face paint fiasco to my sister, who was BeetleJuice.  Funny story, the wig she is wearing… is my Edward Scissorhands wig spray painted white.  The suit is one she picked up from a thrift store and spray painted.  The makeup?  That is my kick ass work.  The bearded lady?  He’s wearing a dress I wore as a bridesmaid early in the year.  He even wore a pair of my knee-high boots. Now that I think about it, I never got those boots back.

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You have to give it to that bearded lady for being such a great sport!

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My favorite story about these costumes is one that reflects my family’s dedication to Halloween and the sacrifices that we make.  This before photo shows the length of my sister’s hair.  When we started to get her dressed up, we discovered her hair was too long and bulky to fit in the wig.  She ran to the bathroom with a pair of scissors and cut a foot of her hair off without blinking an eye.

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It also shows the firmness of the bearded lady’s boobs!

Aw, now get a gander at this photo!

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To your left is my dear friend Marcus. He happens to be the only person I know that will publicly admit to being a Dolphins fan.  To your right, is the beau before he was the beau.  Poor younging, he was just over the legal drinking age and hanging out with this motley crew!  I say, if you look closely, that expression on his face says, ‘One day, I am totally going to hook up with Waldo.”  He says that’s the look he gets when he’s had one too many vodka and orange juices.  All worked out well in the end.  Anyway, I think it was pretty obvious that at the time Waldo wasn’t ready for any of that settling down mess.

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What can I say, the (bearded) ladies love Waldo.

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It had all been fun and games… it was time to go gory in 2007!

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Ouch!  I think I may need stitches!  My Roadkill Costume rocked the scene and was easy to make!  Thrift store dress, check.   Can of insulation foam, check.  Red spray pain, mirror from junked car and a little bit of Halloween makeup … check, check, check.

And now time for the SCARIEST MELDAWG COSTUME EVER!!!!!

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The 1950’s housewife was the costume of 2008.  Baby, dress, and pan came from the thrift store.  The baby was actually safety pinned to my dress.  This allowed me to drink my beer without putting that rugrat down!

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2009 was the year of the bee.  Here I am posing with Death at my Mom’s.  My mama actually made Death.  I told you we were crafty people!

The bee costume was actually a couple’s costume.  Johnny Depp has asked that I blur his face.  You know, the media loves to get their hands on shit like this.  Thanks, Johnny.  It was a great Halloween!

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Want this costume?  It’s a black dress that my mom’s sewed yellow felt stripes on.  I had yellow and black knee-high socks.  The wings are fairy wings.  The beekeeper is one of those lightweight coveralls they sell at the hardware store, straw hat with white muslin draped over it.  The miniature bees I ordered online from a wholesale floral site.  For added bling, we filled a bucket with Hershey’s Nuggets and Werther’s Originals.

2010 I took a break, but in 2011 I made one hell of a comeback.

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There was yellow paint everywhere!  I found it for months in my car.  The beau had to drive because it was impossible to see out of my homemade Marge eyes!

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And a family photo in 2012.  I finally put my bird love to use and strutted the peacock costume for that year.  I was obviously outdone by my youngest sister .. the plague doctor (she made the mask herself) and my mom Tippi Hedron of The Birds.   I guess we are just lucky that my brother wanted to be seen with us.

Here’s to the holiday!

Do you dress up?  What has been your favorite costume of all time?

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