From The Desk Of The Dog

Melanie has resisted all urges to throw her computer off a cliff today, even though the joys of formatting Tomato Stakes has made her take it into consideration.  Cody has stepped up to the plate and took over the blog so she can keep concentrating on getting the book online and ready to go.

Food Lady is crazy.

All she wants to talk about is water, water, water.  She says, ‘Cody, you’ve got to learn to love the water.’

Food Lady is confused, I love the water… in my water bucket.

Food Lady thinks I should like the pool.



…are ridiculous.

Food Lady says, “Cody, how about we go down to the dock.  Check out the water.”


Yup, that’s me.  I’m closer to the mud puddle in the background than I am to that creek.

Food Lady says, “Let’s go to the beach, Cody!”  She asks my daddy to go, but he must not like cookies because he says no.  I will go where ever Food Lady goes if she has cookies.


Mmmmm … my  Kryptonite!  I love cookies!  

I get in the backseat and I’m totally disappointed that I don’t see cookies.  Food Lady said there would be cookies.  Where are my cookies?

Food Lady’s driving is distracting.  I forget about the cookies.  I’m a backseat driver.  Slow down Food Lady!  Turn signal Food Lady!  Your going over the speed limit Food Lady!


We suddenly turn down a street and Food Lady says, “We are almost to the beach.”  Well, it’s about time, we’ve been driving for three months.  (People time: 20 minutes)

She pulls into a small parking lot and begins mumbling under her breath.  I can make out words like, ‘morons’, ‘New Jersey’, and ‘son of a bitch’.  There seems to be no mentioning of cookies.  Food Lady, where are my cookies?

“We are going to make this work.  We might have to call your daddy to come back us out of here.  Hopefully, some of these morons will leave before we do.”  Call Daddy?  Does he have my cookies?  Focus, Food Lady!  Where are the cookies?

“Alright, let’s get walking.”

Food Lady is crazy.  The beach looks like the woods to me.  If she wanted to walk through the woods, why didn’t we just stay home.  I want my cookies and I know there are cookies at home.

Two days later (15 minutes human time), we are coming to a clearing.  “Almost there, Cody.”

We make it over a sandy hill and, what the?  What’s all that water?  Where’s my cookies?  Sabotage!



In a strange turn of events, Food Lady starts taking off her clothes.  My daddy is not going to like this!  Thank goodness she leaves on some sort of colorful undergarments.  “Let’s get in the water!”


I can only hope that there will be a cookie payout for this.  I walk cautiously to the lapping noise.  No good can come of this, no matter how many cookies there are in her bag.

I play along and stick my feet in.  There I did it.  Cookie time.  Is that a cookie in your hand?  Wait, even better!  It’s your cell phone!  It is made of plastic!  I LOVE PLASTIC!  Give me that plastic!

We wade out into the water until it is up to my chest.  It is cool and refreshing, but this is about as far as I’m willing to go.  Thank goodness I tore up the advertisement, ‘Teach Your Dog How To Surf’.  She’d be getting all kinds of wild ideas.

Food Lady and I stay for a while until the sky starts to sprinkle.  She puts her clothes back on (THANK GOODNESS) and we head back to the car.  She seems pleased some of the cars are gone.  I hop in the backseat and finally get my cookie.  I was getting a little hypoglycemic.  That new diet and now all this beach!

All the carbs of the cookie hit me and I settle in for a peaceful nap on the way home.  I think I might want to go back to the beach.  Boy, will Daddy be sad he didn’t come with us… that cookie was really good.



5 thoughts on “From The Desk Of The Dog

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