Diamonds and Pearls and Seizures

I may not be able to make it through this post without being admitted to a hospital.

Anyone have a Valium drip?  No?  No?  Anyone?

I feel twitchy already.  Dear God, what is it with that song!

Do you guys know it?  It’s by Prince.  It’s Diamonds…


Diamonds and….

Diamonds and P..p…p….p….p


Seriously, every time I hear it, I want to sit in a laundry basket in a closet and have seizures.

Diamonds and p.p..p… p…


There. I did it.  Kind of.

*Imagine I posted a link to a youtube video here*

You’ll have to look it up yourself.

Let me be upfront and admit that I do love Prince.  I believe there are two different kind of people in this world.  There are those who love Prince and you sickos that love Michael Jackson.

If you are arguing with me right now, slap yourself.

I love all Prince songs, except for that Shiny Stones and Smooth Oyster Kidney Stones.  We have XM radio at work and I don’t know how we always end up on one of the five hundred stations at least twice a week that are playing the Anti Cubic Zirconia and Mollusk Mineral.  Today, I actually overheard a coworker say, ‘I like this song.’  I would have stayed and defended my reaction to it, but I was already having enough trouble walking briskly with convulsions to the damn station changer.

‘Must….tt..t.t.t..t. chhhhhhannnnnggeeeee….st…sta… .station!’  *Gallops sideways down the hall, falls and crawls the rest of the way to the office*

It is so widely known at work of my problems that people will count down the seconds when they hear Chemical Formula C and CaCO3.  

‘Ew, there’s the song.  Mel’s going to change the station in three… two… one.’  The dial spends wildly out of control and if I’m lucky enough it lands on the Elvis station, for that is the only station that can save me from hearing Allotrope and Nacre.

There was one day that I was cleaning teeth on a lovely dog, minding my own business.  Now, in veterinary dentistry, our patients are peacefully snoozing under anesthesia.  I’m listening to the beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor.  The scaler buzzes quietly along as a work.  Occasionally, the air compressor kicks in and out.  Beep, beep, beep.

I generally can’t even hear the radio back there with all the noise that comes along with that work.  Then, I hear it.  Dun, dun, dun, dun….

Excuse me, I’m going to have a petit mal moment here just from humming that.

Okay, I’m straight.

I try to remain calm.  I continue to scale and hope that someone is either in the doctor’s office or in the lab.  ‘Is someone out there in the lab perhaps?’

A coworker came around the corner.  ‘Everything okay?’

‘With the patient and procedure?  Yes.  I do need you to go in the other room and change the radio station.’

‘To what?’

‘I don’t care!  Just something now!  I’ll pay dearly, PLEASE!  My hands are starting to shake!’

I hear the radio station move to another selection.  ‘Oh, thank goodness.’  I whisper to myself and the anesthetized dog.

And then, the damn radio develops a problem only the exorcist could fix!  It goes back to Hindu Birthstone for April and Hindu Birthstone for June.  ‘BAH!!! What happened!  Fix it!  Fix it!’

I can hear the desperate coworker scrambling with the radio.  ‘It keeps going back to Diamonds…’

‘Don’t say it!  It’s like Beetlejuice!  Don’t say it!’

Finally, the situation was under control.

Sigh of relief, followed by a slight case of the jitters.

Am I alone?  Does anyone else have a song that sends them straight over the edge?

For your enjoyment, I leave you with my very favorite Prince song.  If you want to hear that other one, you are on your own…jerks.

Nix that… apparently you are out of luck if you look on youtube for the song 7.

So, I am leaving you with this instead….


7 thoughts on “Diamonds and Pearls and Seizures

  1. YES! I have that song. I have a lot of those songs. Right now it’s that “Heart Attack” song. Also Owl City’s song with Carly Rae Jepson about having a good night or some shit.

    Hate those songs.

    Love your write-up! I miss your writing. When is book numero dos coming out again!?


    1. I hadn’t heard the Owl City song so I had to youtube that thing. A. You are right, it makes me want to bitch slap someone. B. Did you realize in the beginning it says, ‘What’s with this Prince song stuck in my head?’

  2. Rasberry baret is my fav Prince song and i bet i was the one who said they liked the other spng lol my screatch song is that one about ella under her umbrellla such a horid song …. Love this blog so fun

  3. Haha I remember incidences like that at work when that song came on….. 🙂

    My song is that ‘Last Christmas’ song (I don’t really no the name but I HATE that song. Thankfully I only have to hear it at the end if the year but still annoying… no matter who covers it.

    1. Ha! I’m so glad one of the lasting impresions I have left on you in the work place was me desperately scrambling for the tuner!

      Don’t get me started on Christmas songs. That’s how I feel about Santa Baby. Doesn’t matter who it is singing it… it still makes me want to scream.

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