The ‘Un’fair – A Flashback From 2008

Nothing says happiness like a stuffed belly of sushi and a carry out box for when you get home.   Mmmmm.  Life can get no better than this.  Unless….

Step right up!  Step right up!  Come to the Pocomoke City Fairgrounds for the Cypress Festival!

They are swift in Pocomoke.  Because they make sure to put that big Ferris Wheel right by the overpass.

Chelsea and I looked like kids staring at the Sears Catalog at Christmas. A Ferris Wheel! We tried to be rational about it. We had raw fish in the car. It was getting late. We should get home. But it was like that magical spinning circle in the sky was a magnet and we had been sucked in.

Once we found a parking spot, we headed for the well-manned gates. I guess the Ferris Wheel also attracts those hardened criminals on America’s Most Wanted list. Don’t want to let them slip in and out of the great Pocomoke City Fairgrounds.

We stopped a gentlemen who was wearing the official shirt of the event. He was busy sitting on his four-wheeler, gossiping on his cell phone. You know, official Fair business.

“Excuse me, do we get tickets for the rides or can we give them cash?”

“Tickets.” He starts talking on his cell phone again.

“Where would one get tickets?”

He puts his phone down and points. “Over there, there’s a small building that has a big sign on it that says ‘TICKETS.’ You can’t miss it, it has air conditioners hanging out of it,” I turn to look in the direction he points, “and a big ole ass.”

I turn around to see if he truly just said ‘and a big ole ass’ to my big ole ass.

“Right over there, you can’t miss it.”

So Chelsea and I march over to the Ticket Booth. Chelsea approaches the booth window. “How many tickets do we need to ride the Ferris Wheel?”

“I don’t know.”

We both looked blankly at the woman. Wasn’t that her job? There were like five rides there. And she had no idea how much the tickets were for the Ferris Wheel?

So we walk over, find out for ourselves, and come back. Chelsea tries her best to educate the woman that the Ferris Wheel requires three tickets, which means that we would need six to ride. Sadly for future fair-goers, this seemed to go right over her head.

We head back for the Ferris Wheel. The world is about to be ours! A ride on the Ferris Wheel!

But no ones there. No attendant in sight. We carefully study the controls to see if one of us could start it and quickly jump on. Someone would eventually stop the ride or shut down the power for the night. It couldn’t run forever, right?

A woman, who had been waiting long enough she was sitting on a bench, informed us that they man had taken a break. A break? From the Ferris Wheel? Don’t they run like a tag team situation? You slap hands and trade places, just like in wrestling? How could you leave the most well known ride in history alone?

For me, there’s two good things about fairs and carnivals. Ferris Wheels and cotton candy. What do two girls who just engorged themselves on sushi want to do? Stuff themselves with cotton candy.

We start circling the fair grounds and find the food section. The booths go as such. BBQ, Fried Oysters, Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, Fries, Pizza, Clam Fritters, Funnel Cakes and Sodas.

What? What? WHAT? Where the hell is the cotton candy? We circle again. And again. And again. Chelsea holds on with great hope and says, “maybe they spelled it wrong. Maybe instead of B-B-Q they meant to spell cotton candy.”

We were now discovering that this was actually the Pocomoke City Unfair Grounds. And pit of despair. Is there a hell? Yes there is. I saw it with a closed Ferris Wheel and no cotton candy. I am here to tell you to repent your sins.

We are determined though. We go back and wait at the Ferris Wheel. I think about giving my tickets away, but then Chelsea reminds me that I hate kids. Such a gesture just would make no sense.

“Chelsea, I have to pee now.”

“You just hold on to it. Because when we finally get on here, you can just pee all over the seat for making us wait like this.”

Finally a man shows up. He strategically finds a way to put all seven people waiting on the ride to balance it. Not an easy feat with Chelsea and I’s four boobs combined. Those alone probably weigh as much as two small children.

And we ride. YAY! The wind through our hair! That weightless feeling as you come down. The adrenaline rush as you go up. Around once, twice, three times…

And the ride slows down. Chelsea and I are quite confused when the ride stops and our gate is opened for us. Seriously, is it over. Already? We were the last ones on, how are we the first ones off?

We try to make light of a bad situation and stop off at the Pocomoke City Baskin Robbins. They have cotton candy flavored ice cream. That at least will at least put a dent on the void now developing in our hearts.

Unfortunately, Pocomoke City Baskin Robbins closes at 9:59 PM on the dot. No last call for that stuff.

Oh, Pocomoke City. Why have you done this to our heart?

A lovely photo of Chelsea and I, and that damn pair of earrings that I LOVED so much and have lost.  Come back to me earrings!

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