Let Me Tell You About This Bitch

Luckily for me, most of my friends that make an appearance in my memoir Letters To Young Chong were fine with me exposing our dark secrets and making an ass out of all of us.  When I first created the Facebook Fanpage, I gave a handful of them the oppurtunity to express how they felt about me.  I knew I was in trouble when Yardley said, “I’ve been waiting for so long to tell the world how much suffering you have put me through!”

These are raw and in their own words.  I just copied and pasted, scratching my head the whole time and wondering how they have put up with me all of these years.

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FROM THE MOUTH OF YARDLEY:
I’m so glad she made this page, so I can finally express the pain and wonderful times she has put me through. I’m not going to go into all of the times that she has put me through. So much pain and yet so much fun. I’m just going to give you 1 small brief example. So with no further ado, LET ME TELL U ABOUT THIS BITCH!
A few years back ago a friend of Mel’s was getting married and Mel took it upon herself to try and get a male stripper for the party, but needless to say male strippers are not plentiful on the Eastern Shore. So she came to me to see if I would do it for her and the 5 or 6 females that were supposed to be there, and I was supposed to have known them all. Now at the time I had been out of the military not too long before that so everything was hung in the right places if you understand what I mean. So me being the good friend and gullible guy that I am I told her yes I would but she would owe me a favor for this. But little did she know I had my own agenda. Me with 4 or 5 girls wanting me to take my clothes off why wouldn’t I do that. And then the day finally came that I was supposed to go and strip, I oiled my body down really good and went and brought a pair of leopard string bikinis.
Just knowing that I was going to have those 4 or 5 women all to myself that day I was thinking threesome times too, lmao. Now the only thing that Mel was worried about was me getting excited and something coming out of the bikini, but I told her that I had control and we would not have that problem and tell the time was right. But little did I know Mother Nature had her own control while I was waiting for them to call me in. Mel and Laurie came out and place me inside of an oversize refrigerator box so they could sneak me in when the time was right. I waited outside for about an hour in 15 minutes. And it started to snow boy was it cold. All I had on was a little outfit and some leopard string bikinis. So needless to say by the time they brought me in wasn’t nothing going to be popping out of anything trust me when I say it was cold it was cold. But as I was being chauffeured into the house, inside of a box that I could not see out of I heard a lot more than 6 voices. And then the time came my music started playing the girls pulled the box off and when the lights came on it was over 30 women in that room young, old, small, fat, beautiful, not so beautiful. And as I stood there for the first 10 seconds shocked and not knowing what to do. All I could think of was I’m going to get this girl, she’s so owes me a big one. lol. I knew I said I would be brief but I just wanted to let everyone know the things you do for friends I still have two hand prints on my ass from that day I never knew women could hit so hard. Now let me just say all of that was not the bad part, there is a lot more to this story so if you want to hear more about our adventures, you’ll want to be getting the second book when it comes out!
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From the mouth of Karen Tillette….
I’m sure many of you have heard of or even seen the movies where teenagers find the humor in beating up drunk people. Now think about those images of a poor defenseless intoxicated person taking hit after hit with no end in sight. Well, now imagine that you are the victim and the abuser is none other than your best friend. Yes people, I Karen Tincler formerly known as Karen Tillette; was beaten and often bruised by Melanie Moore. As a teenager many of us skipped the beer and went straight for the Jack Daniels. After all, it was much easier to carry a pint of Jack than a 12 pack of beer. I do have to admit that several times I was the one who could have been seen stumbling and falling all over myself in the town of Cape Charles. Some may even say I was a little obnoxious and hard to keep at bay. These are the situations in which Melanie decided to take it upon herself to try and help me out. I guess she could somehow rationalize pushing me down in the sand and continuously kicking me. “Sober your drunk ass up,” she would say. “I’m going to call Mary and John Tillette if you don’t straighten up bitch.” I still remember the terrified feeling I got each time she threatened to call my parents. We would be walking around town and I would be crying hysterically begging her not to get me in trouble. Now of course had I not been intoxicated I would have definitely called her bluff because this would have definitely led to some devastating punishment. Now at the age of 33 all my bruises have healed, however I still have horrible nightmares of how my friend brutally abused me and laughed at my fear. So….this is my story warning you of this bitch!
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Let Me Tell You About This Bitch with Rhonda Steere…
 
Let’s see I remember in high school you saying I would never get you into a church but ha the joke was on you. I did, bridesmaid. You didn’t even burst into flames like you claimed you would lol. One more thing I believe sometimes you’re in denial with your gypsy claim because you won’t move from the shore and love life you do stay in relationships for a period of time whether you want to attempt it or not. That is why I love you. No one more, that I sometimes think about not sure why but I do. You may be a partial psychic you said I would either have lots of kids and go insane or I would become a nun. No nun sorry, but I did have two kids and then I work with kids and they have all drove my a little crazy. So pick one.
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Maria Onate Tells You About This Bitch…

Let me tell you about this bitch .. I remember when we would go out to club 13 and you being the only white Mexican…  I was 16 I don’t know how old were. Lol. And sometimes after we closed the Mexican restaurant (which let me refresh ESVA residence that my familia were the 1st and ORIGINAL owners before the drama started. Smh , anyways) Yes I remember when me and this bitch would stay after we closed and put on some music and we were taught by the line cooks how to dance that salsa, cumbias ect… You had 2 left feet. Lol. Good times Mel… Also I remember when this bitch said she would “spay” herself if she could to avoid having babies because you don’t like kids. ESPECIALLY babysitting was a definite HELL NOOO. lol.. Miss u and yo crazy ass!!!
 
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Tell Us About This Bitch, Porkchop……
“Let me tell you about this bitch” (disclaimer I hope Mel will edit this for grammar) so as I ran through my catalog of memories, a batch rushed to mind. At first I pondered sharing the night I thought it would be a wise decision to use a beer pitcher as my own personal beer mug (the damage that night was 8 pitchers at 5 dollars a pop). Then I thought the masses would gain insight if I shared the night I decided to play Spot to her Cruella De Vil and gave that a pass due the chemical burns and my never ending quest to protect the innocent. Then I pondered sharing the night of her 21st birthday, which at the zenith a cop showed up to personally to deliver a birthday card to her and softly assure the party goers that everything would be alright. But in the end I will settle for my personal favorite, which a story that has no place or time.

Check this, it is last call or somewhere near that zone where you are looking for a beer or a lover. We would dart back to the make believe restaurant and order our eggs and scrapple with various sides depending our levels of intoxication and mood. At some point during a feast that would rival the delusional monarchs I would get bored with my food. At that point I would grab the nearest jelly packet and throw it at my chosen victim. Eventually I would get caught by whatever waitress unlucky enough to make the worst life choices that week was on duty, at this point I would be saved by a chorus of defensive cries that were spearheaded by the Dawg herself which always seemed to include temporary friends and allies. Then this vicious cycle would repeat over and over again over for the course of an hour or so, with Mel herself handing me a beer after beer from her endless cornucopia of booze. At some point towards the end of the meal after the bill and tip has been settled I would be kicked out for a final time, and it was moments like this I decided to declare personal victory and profess my temporary hate for the business that we chose to haunt for 5 hours. As I retreated to a friendly place (various incarnations of vehicles that would bare the moniker of meldawg) I would crawl into the passenger side and sigh, and magically a beer would appear in my hand. And we would sing forgotten songs of the 90’s as we returned to the lower shore.

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Tracy shares a fact list of “Let Me Tell You About This Bitch.” Can you believe she did not use the word hoebag once?

This is my version of “Let me tell you about this bitch”. I wanted to do something a lil bit different and instead of telling a story, I listed some facts about you that I thought your fans would be interested in knowing. This also was easier for me since….you know….I have some serious memory issues when it comes to…well anything haha

Facts about “this bitch”
• “This bitch”………
o goes by the nickname Meldawg
o first car’s name was “The thunder chicken”
o has seen me moon more people than anyone else in the world
o introduced me to The Beatles
o was with me both times I ended up in a ditch in my life
o almost burned down my clubhouse
o breaks pencils when she gets mad
o was with me when the “socking” was invented
o Is the only girl I know that can drive a van on two wheels
o helped me come up with my nickname “Scrwbry”
o was with me during my first roller coaster ride
o is the only woman who can say she has shaved my kitty
o and finally it takes both “this bitch’s” head and mine to fill in our best friend, Karen’s bra

 
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