Wooo! Getting a little dizzy thinking about it. I can’t stop scanning my kitchen counter trying to figure out where that yellow masterpiece is going to go.
That’s right ladies. My man has upped my game. I have been moping for months about my mixer and how it has been becoming more handicapped after each successful recipe. I was raised to be grateful for what you have and use something until it was at the point of no return. I would mumble that the old mixer was just fine. I just had to hold one of its beaters in place to keep it from falling out. (Warning: I do not recommend holding a beater in place ESPECIALLY if you don’t have a fair bit of callous on the tips of your fingers. It isn’t quite as bad as rope burn, but not pleasant all the same.) Then, this would be followed with a wide range of cuss words in the kitchen and the occasional clunk-clunk-clunk. Not to be outdone though by, “I’m fine. Everything is just fine.”
With the approaching holiday, St. Patrick’s Day, I was starting to get worried. How was I going to make my St. Patrick’s Day cake without an operational mixer? This isn’t just a cake. It’s two cakes and a cheesecake layered to super green perfection. It’s work, but totally worth it. Except maybe if you have to hold a beater in place for two consecutive days of batter and icing whipping.
(Recipe here: Green Velvet Cheesecake. You’re welcome.)
The anticipation was already heating up. My sister had text me about the cake. We are less than 30 days from St. Patrick’s Day. When I responded that as long as the mixer held in there, cake would be made. She responded with ‘YIPEE!’ and I’m sure fainted with excitement after that.
Later in the day, the cake had come up again when I was visiting with my mother. We were discussing the portion size that her household would need (she’s requesting a quarter, but my lard-ass is going to be shipping her a half of it). I mentioned that this all depended if Ole Sally would be feeling up for it.
I have no idea where the name Sally came from. Just now I felt she needed a name. I guess I’m feeling a little bad that she’ll be heading to the take-it or leave-it pile and the dump.
Mom gave me the KitchenAid mixer pep talk. I nodded, but modestly said, “I don’t know where I would display it.” If you own a KitchenAid mixer, you know you don’t store that thing, you show it off like a damn floor model. I laid out all of my excuses. Just wasn’t the right time for that kind of investment.
That’s right. I said investment. If you don’t own one and you’ve never priced one, you should right now to understand what I mean when I say INVESTMENT.
Mom ended the conversation with, “Well, you have to eat.”
So, when I came home and started cooking dinner, I did my usual downtime ritual. Check Facebook Fanpage, check my blog, and check the book sales. Then, I did the forbidden. I got on the Kohl’s website and looked up KitchenAid mixers.
It was like a sign from the mixer gods. That baby was on sale! YES! SALE! I could hear Sally screaming from underneath the counter in overwhelming sadness. I whispered, “Stop it, Sally! I’m just looking!”
The beau, “Did you say something, Shuga’?”
“Me, no. Nothing.”
When the beau walked into the kitchen, he saw the screen. He grinned at me, for he has seen that same Buttercup Kitchen Aid mixer on the screen a hundred times. We ate dinner and then I was back in front of the screen. I probably resembled Orphan Annie dreaming of that old bald guy coming back to get her. Oh, the hard knock life with Sally Sad Mixer.
“Are you getting it?”
“It’s a hundred dollars off at Kohl’s right now. I have ten dollars in Kohl’s cash. There’s a thirty dollar mail-in-rebate.”
Sally whispers from underneath the counter, oddly in a Sméagol voice, “What about your credit card debt, Precious?”
My head hits the keyboard. I can’t do it. It doesn’t fit into my plan for my credit cards to be paid off by September. Sally Sad Mixer is right.
“There will be no green cake this year.”
I don’t know if it was because I was so pitiful or maybe the beau can’t imagine surviving St. Patrick’s Day without green cake, but he whipped out his bank card and told me to get it. I waved him off for a minute saying I couldn’t let him do that. There’s no way I could accept that kind of gift. I’m surprised he could hear me over the wailing in the cabinet. Poor Sally.
He loves me. And that green velvet cheesecake masterpiece. There will be green cake this year after all.
PS – If you are zipping off to the Kohl’s website at this moment to buy one of these lovely mixers… you’ll also want to use the ANSWERS15 promotional code. Another fifty dollars off.